


Moose and Squirrel

by there_must_be_a_lock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, Nonsense, crack!, moose and squirrel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 21:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/there_must_be_a_lock/pseuds/there_must_be_a_lock
Summary: Sam and Dean get turned into an actual moose and squirrel. It's obviously Crowley's fault.





	Moose and Squirrel

“Since when do we get mail?” you asked, as Dean walked down the stairs ripping open a brown box. 

“Since never,” Sam said suspiciously. 

“There’s something for each of us,” Dean said. He was grinning like a little kid. If that was the way he reacted to surprise packages, maybe you’d start sending them yourself. 

Dean tossed Sam a small green box and then passed you a letter, addressed in fancy script. You opened the thick paper carefully. 

_ Dearest Y/N, _

_ If you’re reading this, I’m dead. Consider this one last token of my affection.  _

_ Yours,  _

_ Crowley _

“Guys, I don't think you should-” you started, but it was too late. You heard a puff of displaced air, then a crash. Two empty green boxes were lying on the table. Dean was gone, and in Sam’s place was a very confused-looking moose with a shred of Sam’s plaid shirt hanging from one of its antlers. The crash was explained when you realized that the moose was sitting on the ground, on top of the ruins of Sam’s chair. 

Well, fuck. 

A grey squirrel shot out from under the table and started zooming around the room, chittering angrily. He ran two full circles around the table before stopping, and then he seemed to notice the moose; his head cocked and his beady little eyes took in the whole scene, and he made a noise that you could’ve sworn was laughter. 

“You have got to be kidding me,” you grumbled. 

The moose seemed to panic at the sight of the squirrel. It looked from the squirrel, to where Dean had been standing, and back again, and surged to its feet in a messy tangle of legs, trying to back away from the table. You spotted other pieces of Sam’s clothes falling from its broad back. 

“Dean? Sam?” you asked tentatively. “Can you understand me?” The squirrel looked directly at you and squeaked loudly. The moose made a deep sort of honking sound. Okay. So that was one good thing, at least; they were still Sam and Dean in there, and you weren’t about to have a real, terrified moose rampaging around the bunker. 

“Crowley turned you into, um…” You looked from one to the other. “Let me just show you.” You fished around in the bottom of your purse until you found your makeup compact. Tentatively, you turned it around so that Squirrel Dean could see himself. 

He stared for a moment, whiskers twitching, and raised one tiny clawed paw up to the mirror to touch his reflection. You couldn’t help but laugh. He squeaked indignantly. Before you could react, he had skittered over the edge of the table and down to the ground, and then he was climbing you, claws pricking your skin through the fabric of your clothes. He perched on your shoulder and chattered in your ear, a long series of yips that seemed to translate, roughly, to “Fucking fix this.” 

“Jesus, Dean, that's fucking loud,” you said, flapping a hand at him to shut him up. You’d never imagined a squirrel could make so much noise. 

Moose Sam seemed to have an amused glint in his eyes, at least until you turned the mirror his way. He trumpeted wildly when he saw his reflection and staggered backward, shaking his antlers and dislodging the piece of plaid fabric that had been stuck there. He started raising his hoofs agitatedly, one at a time, as if he was trying to step out of a pair of jeans, bellowing loudly at you. 

“Okay, you guys are going to need to shut up,” you said, cringing. Dean was still sitting on your shoulder, tiny claws tickling through your sweater as he chattered in your ear, and Sam was now shaking his head violently again, as if he could just shake off the antlers. “I need to go to the library and find a counter-spell.” 

You headed for the door, but Dean started tugging at your sweater and squealing. 

“What?” you giggled, starting to enjoy this. He just looked so ridiculous with his nose twitching like that. 

Dean ran back down your side and bolted to the kitchen. Sam honked his agreement and tried to follow, but his antlers were too wide to fit through the door; he stopped short when they caught on the doorframe and made a long, dismayed sound. You stifled another laugh. 

“Food, then,” you said. Sam watched mournfully from the door as you tried to figure out what to give them. 

“Squirrels like nuts, right?” you mumbled to yourself. Sam gave a loud, amused honk, but Dean ran in circles happily, chasing his own fluffy tail. You sorted some peanuts out of a bag of trail mix and set them on the counter for him. He held one in his tiny paws and nibbled at it rapidly. 

Even with all the salad Human Sam ate, you were pretty sure you didn’t have enough greens to satisfy Moose Sam, but you filled the largest mixing bowl you could find with kale and lettuce. After some consideration, you set it down near the door to the library, so Sam could be close while you looked for the antidote. He shoved his massive moose head under your arm and nuzzled your side as a thank you, but he clearly didn’t know his own strength, because he almost knocked you over. 

As you looked through spell books, Sam munched morosely by the door and Dean darted back and forth, carrying his peanuts off to what you assumed what a secret hiding spot back in the shelves. Every so often, he would forget where he was going and wander around aimlessly for a moment with his little ears twitching, before scuttling off on his mission again. 

It didn’t take you long, thank goodness, and you gathered up everything you’d need. 

“Hold still,” you had to remind Dean, as he skittered back and forth excitedly, almost ruining the sigil you’d drawn for him to stand in. You chanted a few words and looked up expectantly. 

Both of them were men again, luckily, but they were also stark naked. 

“Fuck,” Dean yelped, in a much more high-pitched voice than usual. He clapped both hands over his junk and started waddling off toward his room as fast as his bowed legs could carry him. “Fucking Crowley, I swear to shit if he ever comes back I will rip that sonofabitch a new one.” You could hear him chattering to himself all the way to his room. 

Sam, on the other hand, was still standing in his spell-circle, staring at you with wide eyes. 

“Um, Sam,” you snorted, and gestured down at his exposed crotch, wondering idly if he might be bigger, in that department, than an actual moose. He looked down slowly, then back up at you, wide-eyed. There was a piece of kale sticking out of the corner of his mouth. 

That was the final straw. You doubled over with laughter, gasping and wheezing, while Sam clomped down the hall. 


End file.
